| Daddy, I remember like it was yesterday. I remember the day
you left me with broken promises and tears falling from your
cold eyes. I do feel bad for you Daddy, but not as much as
I wish I could. You hurt me Daddy and you left me all alone.
That day I looked into your somber eyes, too young to understand
why you cried when you looked at me. Too young to understand
why Mommy held me tight in bed that night. Too little to
understand why she cried herself to sleep in my arms.
Now, I do, understand why you cried. I understand why
Mommy’s
heart is now filled with hate and her eyes are dark. Daddy,
you killed yourself, you know, and your family too. I know
why you’re not at my concerts anymore and why all Mommy
does is cry.
***
I am seventeen today and I’ll never forget my younger
years. The days when we went outside just to play when you
walked me to the bus on my first days of school.
I’m going to graduate in a mere few weeks and because
you couldn’t quit you’re not going to be there.
Only Mom can be proud of me now, only she can be satisfied
with the raising of her daughter, and happy with her parenting;
the parenting that you couldn’t do.
To this day I still can’t forgive you,
Dad. You let your lungs fill with soot while your heart
filled with my
love. You let each puff eat away at your soul while you watched
me on the playground.
I didn’t understand it then, but I understand it now.
You killed yourself Daddy and you brought your family with
you. I wish you would have thought about Mommy and me before
you smoked; or maybe you did think about us but were too
caught up in smoking to care. I don’t hate you Daddy,
I can’t, I never will; but I can’t forgive you
for what you did to Mommy. She loved you very much and you
left her. You left Mommy alone, sad and alone, and you left
me with her.
Ashley Viens
Griswold High School
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